Shopping Malls and ATM's

Good Afternoon friends. Shopping malls are interesting places at the best of times. In fact I have come to the conclusion that although shopping malls clearly show how man has progressed through the ages, many people at shopping malls stopped progressing at the Australopithecus stage of our evolution.

The first occurrence in my voyage to the mall last night was at the ATM. Now the ATM was designed in order to obtain cash from your bank account without having to go to the bank. Situated in convenient places, ATM's are quite simple. A regular number pad with an accept or cancel button and on the screen several selection buttons in order to make your choice. Not Nintendo simple, but simple enough. No engineering degree required, just a brain larger than a walnut.

unfortunately our Australopithecus Mallratus female doesn't seem to posses such a large brain and stands for hours in front of the ATM trying to figure out exactly how to use it. After many attempts she finally manages to jam her ATM card into the machine. Next she is asked to confirm that she will be charged a service fee for using the ATM, no problem there. When it comes to selecting the amount of money she wants, that's when the problem starts. You see normal human beings want small sums of 500 or 600 shekels. Our female, who we shall call "Danush" wants 9000 shekels. You could buy our entire mall for 9000 shekels!

So Danush repeatedly gets denied her 9000 shekels and carries on doing the same transaction over and over again, expecting the machine to feel sympathetic for her and happen to change its mind. Danush then tries another 4 figure sum and - big surprise - is still denied. Danush absolutely desperate at this point turns to a fellow Australopithecus Mallratus female to ask for help. This female proceeds to explain to her that the stars are not aligned correctly and that she must sacrifice her first born to Alunka the Praying Mantis god of Shopping Malls in order to receive money from the "Caspomat"

This is why I shave my hair. If I had longer hair I would pull it out due to my frustration of the sheer stupidity that encompasses my world and gets in my way. After about half an hour of watching the two females communicate, I finally got my chance to use the ATM. I asked a friend to time me at the ATM while I pulled out an outrageously normal 200 Shekels. It took 25 seconds from the time I put my card in until the time I had my money and had walked away from the ATM. 25 SECONDS, Australopithecus Mallratus, I rest my case.

The other favourite hobby that these primitive creatures have, is getting in my way. No matter where in the Mall I am, inside shops, outside shops, shopping aisles at the supermarket, Australopithecus Mallratus will always do its best to insure that my blood pressure is at its highest by getting in my way.

The point of shopping aisles is to ease the flow of traffic through the shopping centre to create a constant flow whereby shoppers can pick up there goods, walk to the front of the supermarket, pay for their items and leave - hence the name convenience store. However, these idiots make it their objective to park their trolleys across the aisle and speak about things such as which tea diffuses quicker and whether or not that particular washing powder can take the stain of stupid out of their smart shirts.

If people want to talk in the mall, there are plenty of coffee shops and restaurants in which to do so. Aisle 43(Vegetables and Fresh Produce) is not the best venue for the Cohen's bloody family reunion!

All in all, the mall would be a wonderful place if it weren't for the amount of non-evolved peons in it. Its as if their last stronghold exists only within a mall environment where they can question the abilities of such difficult to use devices as plastic shopping bags, toilet seats(don't even get me started on that one), ATM's and parking tickets.

We leave the mall with a parting shot of Danush nursing her young, today was a good day for Danush and the herd but with the drought on its way, the future could possess troublesome times for the last remaining Australopithecus Mallratus in the region. Will they have to migrate south to find water and if so, will Danush and her young survive the treacherous crossing of the Gaia.