A family tradition and other grievances

Good afternoon fans! Today's topic is very central to me, some of you may have had similar experiences as the one I am about to share, if not, consider yourselves fortunate.

There comes a time in every super-heroes life where he realises his destiny, Spider-Man with the guy who shot his Uncle, Bat-man with which ever girl he was courting that week, Superman when his bald friend went psycho(surprise!) I realised my destiny recently. What I used to think was just my misfortune and bad timing, actually became apparent to me as a family tradition via an epiphany I had in the shower.

Now for those of you who know me quite well, my grandest schemes are born in my shower, if I was an evil super-villain, my secret base would not be an underground lair or a base on a meteor above the earth, my shower would be my fortress of solitude so to speak.

Back to the point, I was born once, and when I was born, my extended family stood together around their new bundle of joy and collectively decided that I would have a mission. Of course no training could ever teach me what I would need to know if I was aware that I was being trained for this particular purpose so my family devised a scheme. It would teach me what I needed to learn and it would do so in such a subtle way that I would never even know I was being taught, until now that is.

I have learned the secret family tradition. Whenever I step into the shower, someone in the house assumes responsibility of playing with the hot water, switching it on and off repeatedly until I have finished showering. At first I thought this was mere coincidence but how many times can something happen on cue, over many years and on both sides of the world, before a person begins to get suspicious. I now realise that this water training was giving me mental and physical skills I could never acquire through normal activities.

Lightening quick reflexes to dodge the cold burst of water, adapting my anger to build into a super-human rage and the time to reflect while waiting for the hot water to return to me. My thoughts in the shower have taught me amazing skills including learning to speak arabic, mad ideas on how to take over the world and other epiphanies that could only have come via the hot/cold water treatment

I have, via this practice, retained my super-powers and will be using them to defeat evil doers as soon as I can find someone to make me an inconspicuous spandex super-hero suit. It will be bright blue and red with a showerhead on top of my hood and disco lights around my waist, like I said, inconspicuous.

Another skill that I have strangely acquired is the ability to instill the desire in strangers to wind down their windows of their cars whilst in traffic to wave at me and honk their hooters. What the benefits of this skill are, I don't quite know but it works like clockwork, as I walk down the street, some random person is bound to wave and hoot frantically with a dumb smile on their face while I stand there dumbfounded by their idiocy.

So citizens, feel safe with the knowledge that Hot/Cold Shower Man will be there to save the day when you need him, unless he is sitting outside in the freezing cold waiting for people to finish Ulpan, but that story is for another day